The Best Subject To Study


How do I explain that to keep my smile up, sometimes I need to fight gravity lying down?

My smiles don’t come easy, but it’s worth every bit. Even if I’m having a bad day, I can smile, because I got out of bed today. To me, that’s a great start to an amazing day… even if I’m floored in the afternoon for the next 11 hours.

People around me don’t get it, and I don’t expect them to. Everyone’s on a different track in life and can only empathise within their scope of view, so if something is different, it’s understandable that it flies overhead.

Usually after a gruelling 8 hours of studying physio, I crawl back with a half-smile into my flat. Sometimes I make it to bed, sometimes I land on the floor. The next bit blankets me with a flow of thoughts.

Should I quit? If I was back home, I’d just be rehabbing and resting. How do people manage to dish out so much energy without pain? Did I use to be able to do that too? I’m trying my best, but it’s so hard to keep up with life. Can I really do it? Was I capable? Am I capable? What if I just… everything fades to black.

I wake up exhausted. Looking around my room and trying to rise from the floor, I needed a sign to get up, instead of just letting life pass me by.

My eyes flicker from side to side, catching on to motivational words and quotes placed around the room: “ Make a difference”, “ What would you do if you had 24 hours to live?”, “Eat, sleep, train, repeat”.

That did it for me. I crawled up. I’m not going to live life on the floor. I’m not going to be one whom just endures the day unproductive.

Most whom get knock down, stay down. Some struggle, and after hardship get back up content, but I’m not, I’m different. After being knock down, I bounce forward! How do I start to explain about life and its fittings to my incipient body? I guess I can start by saying, I ply hard at rehab, so I can move tomorrow.

Being a victim is not the problem we face, it’s what we do after. It’s the translation of accountability that matters. It’s okay to feel negative emotions, as long as you don’t let the negative emotions get in the way of doing what’s right. Shying away doesn’t make the problems go away, finding the solution does.

When we withdraw from the world, it withdraws in equal proportions. So with that being said, if we go into the world, it approaches us too, it’s the two-part measure of the equation. Some skills are only learnt, when we commit ourselves to the situation. Birds only learn to fly after they take a leap of faith.

Getting up from the floor, I am alone. They don’t understand, and they don’t need to.

A hero is heroic, because he steps off the path that everyone else is on and heads into the woods, where there is no path and no indication of help, but he does it anyway. It is the first step that is heroic, and then everything he needs appears.

I asked myself, “ Where am I going?”

What you need will appear when you need it, and it’ll be there for you alone.

We have to be state of the art, and state of the heart.

While people are studying books, I’m studying life, flipping on to the next page of potential.

What are you flipping to?


5 thoughts on “The Best Subject To Study

  1. You definitely use to have so much energy without pain! I’ll always remember you coming to visit me when I studied abroad in the Netherlands, partied with my friends and caught up just for one night 🙂

    Miss you!

    • I’m glad we had the opportunity to experience life like that. The time we had, like a fruit, was squeezed to every last drop. Thank you for sharing the experience with me 🙂 Miss you too xx Luc

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